Daze of Deses and Doses

Note: The following variations on a Julie Andrews song in "Sound of Music" would be better sung by someone like Jimmy Durante (except someone still alive as well). The last line refers to "Flatbush" (nickname for Brooklyn and name of its main drag), but the dialect in the poem (for which I'm indebted to the works of Damon Runyan) is found in all sections of New York City and much of neighboring New Joisey.

Daze of Deses 'n Doses

Does is deers and dames is dears.
"Dis" is when youse don't respect.
Dese is "Rep.", but dose is "Dem."
Which a' dem should we elect?
"Day" is when dey sees da sun.
Dere's a boid! A goil! Some Hon!
Dee's da grade I got for dis.
Dis me if youse dare, ya wiss!

"Dose" is what da doctor does:
Two a' dese and one a' dose.
Dats da data to recall.
Udderwise youse overdose.
Dough dey hates to interrup',
Still dey tries to wake youse up...
When dey sees it ain't no doze,
Den dey hangs tags on yuz toes.

Youse is useful when youse helps.
Dis sun shines; Datsun's a car.
U's is turns youse should not make,
But youse does -- dat's how youse are.
Doze is what youse done in school.
Dats why youse is such a fool.
Dese is woids what people use,
Which in Flatbush bars buys booze.