Friendly Fire

Booby-trapped, mined, burglar-alarmed,
draw-bridged, alligator-moated,
invincible!

Such a monstrous rightness
clicks on to defend us when we are
betrayed. Save us, I pray,
from our machines.
________________

Note: I've had this experience. Perhaps you have too: You've been around the block, think you know yourself pretty well, see yourself as tough-minded and free of delusions and self-righteousness, but then something goes really wrong: You get betrayed, double-crossed, jilted, dumped. And you're smart enough to know better -- to know, for example, that the person who did this isn't worth the grief, that violence, vengeance, self-pity get you nowhere except deeper into the hole, that there are other, better possible futures, that you got yourself into it, refused to see things that had been obvious from the start... -- you know all this, yet find yourself a spectator to all the mechanisms of childishness, all the automatic defensive devices switching on, all the traps sprung. There you sit reminding yourself that all this is foolishness while you dream elaborate dreams of vengeance, of having the last word, of taking her back and forgiving her with wise and wonderful magnanimity that brings her to tears, of torturing her, of going off into the woods and living in a hut and meditating for the rest of your life, of jumping off a bridge (that'll show 'em) -- what a revelation! All that insanity is still with you, lying in ambush, waiting for the opportunity to pounce, not at YOUR command, but when life says "Boo!" You thought you were grown up and beyond all that, but you're pricklier than a Swiss Army knife with all blades extended.

Such experiences are valuable if they lead you to find a way to do something about them. (I found ways to vanquish those machines or most of them. You might say I've built up my spiritual immune system and have high resistance to being a victim. I wish the same for all of us. Here's one of many web sites that deals with the methods I found workable.)